5 Red Flag Money Questions From Your Significant Other
June 20, 2011
| Sofia Tuckson
There are lots of questions you don’t want to hear from your significant other. Questions like, “You’re going to wear that??” and “Your birthday was yesterday?”
But what about when it comes to finances?
At different stages in your relationship, there are questions you never want to hear from your partner regarding money. Here are a few and the red flags they trigger.
Will Robinson from “Lost in Space” had a robot to warn him of danger. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a robot to warn us of relationship red flags?
When you begin to date: “Don’t your parents pay for your cell phone?”
First off, I understand first-hand the delight in not being responsible for your cell phone bill. Up until about two months ago, my parents paid for my cell phone’s basic talk-and-text plan. No smartphone or data plan. When I decided I wanted a smartphone with 24/7 internet access and all kinds of fancy apps, I decided to leave my parents’ plan.
It’s OK to accept help from family, but if you start dating someone who still leans heavily on family finances, it might be a red flag they’re not ready—or willing—to be financially independent.
Before you’re engaged: “Can you just pay for everything?”
It’s understandable that you’ll treat your guy or gal out for a special birthday or anniversary dinner, but don’t let this question become the theme of every date night. Take some time to talk about how you’ll pay for a dinner check, preferably before you get to the restaurant.
If your partner expects you to whip out your credit card for every little shared expense, you may not be on the same financial page. It could be a red flag to to reconsider whether or not you’re in a healthy relationship.
Before the wedding: “Can we open up a credit card to pay for the wedding?”
Danger, Will Robinson, danger! If your bride or groom wants to pay for an entire wedding on credit or on a loan, there’s a problem. In fact, if your significant other pulls out the plastic in most situations, you should be worried.
Relying heavily on credit is a dangerous practice, not only because it ruins your credit utilization rate, but also because you get used to having “free money.” Credit cards can be a useful tool, but can be easily abused if used too often. Putting big-ticket items, like a wedding, on credit is dangerous. Make sure your partner has the willingness to save up cash and make frugal moves in the meantime.
After the wedding: “Oh, I didn’t tell you about my student loans?”
Most of us have some outstanding debt. Nine out of ten of us are paying back credit card debt and one in three have on average nearly $30,000 in student loan debt, according to the latest Credit Karma data. While it’s likely that your new spouse will have some as well, it’s something you should have discussed before getting married. Not so you could call off the wedding, but so that you could figure out together how to make a debt repayment plan.
You can choose to let your spouse pay back his or her debt solo, but consider working out a strategy together. It’ll make for a happier marriage in the long run, and you’ll be able to shrink that debt faster if you work as a team.
When planning for the future: “What retirement?”
If it’s something you haven’t discussed before, talk to your spouse now about future financial plans. Find out how your spouse is planning for the future and how you can plan together. You should both be saving for your own retirement, and also talk about other plans for savings, such as your kid’s college education or the down payment on a home. It’s important to be aware of each other’s financial priorities, and even better if you can compromise on how you should be saving money together and how much you’ll put away each month.
Bottom Line: One of the most important things in any relationship is honesty. If you’re constantly honest with your spouse or significant other about money, you’ll hopefully never have to worry that these questions will pop up. And you’ll be more prepared when the hard times come.
And if you’re the one asking these questions, it may be time to take a step back and evaluate your own money attitudes.
